Crime & Punishment
by luvicoffee
Summary: A song fanfiction based off of Hatsune Miku's "Crime & Punishment". When a girl meets a boy who has an inability to love anyone, she is willing to go as far as self-injury and planning suicide with him just so she can get him to love her back.


**Crime & Punishment**

_If only you had the ears that I have then I would sing you a song from the bottom of my heart. But would you hear me?_

It was in December when we first met. Of course we were acquaintances in school and that was all it was. I was never one to be all that popular in school, yet I was no outcast either. School had just been let out for a two week break for the winter. Mother suggested that I should go out to buy new clothes, and well, I did. And that's when I met you. Where this story begins. You never really had friends, I could tell from how you always shied away in school and never talked to anybody. So when I tried to get your attention when I saw you walking alone on that empty street, you didn't answer at all. But I knew you heard your name. But that's all that mattered to you at the moment I guess.

_If only you had the heart that I have then, I would flood you with all the love I had. But would you feel me?_

When winter came to pass and everyone was back in school and spring was rolling around, I finally got to see you again. You didn't come to school for another week after winter break ended, but I guess all of us need a little time to ourselves once and a while. I couldn't help but notice that you started to skip lunch as well. This happened when one day I couldn't help but overhear a couple of upperclassmen talk about you, and that's when you left and threw out your lunch without even finishing it. I heard them talk about how you had an inability to love or something like that. I didn't know whether to believe it or not, but once you threw out your lunch, your sleeves were rolled up and I saw a few bandages laced around your wrist. That's when I decided I really was in love with you. Not because of your wrists, but because of the way you didn't care what those people said. You just up and left. Later, I will eventually try and talk to you again.

_Hey, if you are predisposed to hate me, might as well kill me now and save me from this misery. If I can't earn all your love, you don't need me at all._

After a few days of normal schoolwork and all that, we were finally given a free day by one of our gracious teachers. Everyone flocked to their friends and instantly began to talk and chatter amongst their groups. This was a class I wasn't all too popular in, but I was okay with it. But then I noticed you, sitting in the corner and simply scribbling on a scrap piece of paper. That's when I decided I would attempt to converse with you again. Sitting a seat down right beside your desk, you looked up and blinked a few times before uttering something along the lines of 'go away'.

My heart fluttered at the sound of finally hearing your voice, but despite your blunt request, I stayed. I stayed and watched you draw a... was it a bunny? It looked like a terribly sewn bunny with buttons as eyes that were falling off. It even wore a creepy smile. It had different patterns sketched onto it as well, like it was falling apart. That's when I saw the bandages on your wrist again. Every time you moved your arm to a different position, I caught a glimpse of them. And this time there seemed to be more gauze then last time when I saw you in lunch.

If I had known more about self-harm then, I wouldn't have asked you what happened to your arm. Because then I would have saved myself from getting yelled at. I said I was sorry that I wanted to help, but it was like you wanted the exact opposite.

_"If only you had" won't get me anywhere now. I wouldn't go anywhere even if it could be._

A couple months after that incident, now deep in the middle of spring, we never talked all that much. I tried to exchange glances with you and little gestures, but all I got in return were sideways glares and nothing else. Maybe someday if I started talking to you again, I could fix everything I said and somehow get you to love me. I'd do anything you wanted me to do, even if you can't love anyone.

Eventually as it turned to late spring, we had grown closer and even spoke in short conversations. I realize that it was one-sided, but I didn't mind, because I was finally allowed to be around you. And this way, I would try to help you as much as I can, no matter the cost. I even started wearing the same gauze bandages as you, for the same reason you had. Maybe this way we could grow a little closer.

_"Let's do it."_

_"How do we?"_

_"Ready? Go"_

_= Suicide._

_It's just not my kind of game but I do not have a choice. 'Cause if I were to decline, I'd be cast aside and worth not a thing to you, in your eyes._

After a few days of talking with you, I finally understood your true intentions for when school ends and summer eventually comes by. At first I tried to protest, but upon remembering how you acted when I asked about your wrists, I didn't say anything. I just nodded. If I were going to change in this way to get you to love me, then so be it. Even the cuts I gave myself traveled farther across my pale skin like yours had. Maybe now we can grow even closer. I don't want us to be one-sided anymore.

_Hey if I agree to try and hate you, won't you try to love the me that's beyond caring about your feelings? She that needs you now is gone. She's not here anymore, at all. It hurts, you know?_

Lately it feels like I've been growing more and more annoying to you lately, so as the bandages on our skin increased, my love for you started to grow bitter. But this is okay. Because maybe if I don't try so hard on you, then you will start to come around and even like me a little bit. I love you so much that I would go as far as to plan to leave this world with you, so isn't this good enough? Or do you still want more so I can eventually help you come around to being able to feel? To actually love me back?

_If only you had the ears that I have then I would sing you a song from the bottom of my heart, but would you-_

_If only you had the heart that I have then I would flood you with all the love that I had but would you-_

Summer's here. We exchanged phone numbers before we finally parted after the last day of school. I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks up until today. And because I had all that time to think over my final decision to die with you just so you would love me, I reached a conclusion that no words of persuasion could change. You asked if I was ready to leave, and I, being the one who finally realizes that you wouldn't even love me after death, said no. I can't do it. I couldn't. I never hurt like you did over the past events in your life time except for when I was with you. Because you did nothing to show me you loved me. But that's okay even now that you're gone.

_Today I don't need to reach your deafened ears and I don't need to try and fill your empty heart, 'Cause all I need now is the agony I see upon your face._

And that's good enough for me, in the end.


End file.
